Citing the Christian ethos of feeding the hungry, housing the homeless and clothing the naked, just as long as they’ve got the appropriate documentation, Abbott said anyone who had fled a war zone or escaped from a torture chamber without travel papers could jolly well pelt themselves with their own eggs (which no doubt would come from ducks, knowing how weird these foreigners are).

So funny yet it would not surprise me if Abbott actually said something along these lines.

Sources say Abbott had initially insisted that boat arrivals must hold Australian passports. However, it was soon realised that the only people processed under this scheme would be Australian citizens returning from holidays aboard cruise ships and those are the last sort of characters we want to encourage into the country.

Rumours that the Prime Minister is planning to keep out undesirables by processing cruise-ship passengers offshore – to ascertain whether any of them had danced to the chicken dance, giggled while ordering cocktails with rude names or played bingo while on the high seas – could not be confirmed.

The full article is here.