It is currently 1am as I write this and unless I am sleep blogging I am still up.

There are two reasons for this. The first is my desktop system is currently trying to work through the process of building Google Chrome OS from source – I will blog on that when it is complete. The second is my mind going nuts about what the future holds.

I have yet to really blog in detail about the last few months of my uni career as I am yet to receive my official results so I do not know if I should rejoice or cry. However, I feel like I am at a major turning point in my life.

At the start of this year, after visiting Melbourne, I set myself a goal of getting a PhD Scholarship for next year. Throughout this year I have worked towards that goal my working my hardest and producing some of the best assignments and research I can possibly deliver. I have had much pain through this process mainly through stress and anxiety which have both at times felt overwhelming.

Now I am at the point where five days ago I handed in my thesis and now I am in limbo for the next two weeks awaiting the marks of this and three other papers. While I have hopes and expectations of good grades the wait is agonisingly painful for someone who always wants to know now what the outcomes are. And that brings me back to PhD scholarships in three weeks from now I will know if and where I will be studying next year – Auckland, Melbourne, or Sydney.

If I am successful in getting either of the two Australian based scholarships it is more than likely that in ten weeks from now I will be living in a different city, in a different country, without any family or friends immediately around me to support me. It is a scary prospect. On one hand it is a very exciting opportunity for growth and development. On the other it is the point at which you realise you are no longer that kid who always wants to grow up and see the world, instead you realise that the world is a very different and somewhat scary place from what you imagined.

One of the scariest things about growing up is money. As a kid my parents always told me that money doesn’t grow on trees. But somehow I never quite believed them. Throughout my undergraduate years at uni I was never a rich student, however, I was never poor enough or dumb enough to drive myself financially into the ground either – although I did come close on a number of occasions. Now having just finished my honours degree and looking out on this exciting and rewarding opportunity ahead money is suddenly a huge issue again. Most importantly where do I get the few thousand dollars from that I require to move country? It does not cost a lot to move across the ditch, however, it does cost more than I currently have and with no fixed job it makes for an interesting scenario.

The next ten weeks are going to be interesting. Normally I look forward to the summer holidays – as a chance to relax from uni, get out and enjoy the sun, and spend time with friends. However, this summer is looking very different, it is a summer that I would rather just hurry up and finish, I have a burning passion and desire to reach that goal that I had at the start of this year. The outcome of this goal is now out of my hands as I await the results of my efforts but inside I am in turmoil I want to know, I need to know, can someone please let me know!

I need something to get my mind off things, a distraction that does not cost money, but is enough to get my mind focussed on other matters. Anyone got any ideas?