“…America as a nation produces twice the goods and services per person that it produced in 1948. Everyone in the country could, in principal at least, work a four-hour day or a six-month year and still maintain a standard of living equivalent to that enjoyed [back then]… [however,] America took none of its productivity gains in additional leisure. It bought consumer items instead.”

Bill Bryson, Made in America.

The above quote comes from a book first published in 1994. By now I would imagine the productivity rate would be even higher. Yet somehow we find ourselves working even harder and longer with that desire for more, more, and more.

Over the past few days I have been pondering my own productivity. Like many people over the last few weeks I have been on leave. A time when people should take a break from their daily grind to relax. Instead I have found myself doing all those things that I have let pile up over the past few months and the more things I have done the more things I remember I have to do and the more burnt out I feel.

Some of these things are personal, like cleaning up around the house, reading, and shopping. However, many other things on my list of things to do are items I would still consider work such as editing websites for friends or even attending social functions.

Now some of this non-primary work is good, it allows us to develop other skills through hobbies and the like. But it also means that we are never getting rest. We are always go, go, go.

A lot of course has been written about work/life balance and my desire isn’t to rehash all that.

Instead I just wonder if in a world of instant everything if we can ever truly get a break?

I would love to spend a few days with no cellphone, no social media, absolutely nothing instant. Not for the torture of it, but instead for the benefit of my mind and body to release.

The problem is in the past I have turned off my cellphone for only a few hours and people have started to panic because I haven’t replied to text-messages.

Yesterday I found myself with a desire to avoid the internet most of the day, until ironically, I found myself tweeting that I wanted a cave to hide in. Even in my desire to escape the system I found myself expressing myself through it – in a way a lot like this blog when published will.

I wonder what people would think if we started to say no a lot more. Not out of spite, but out of control. No I am not going to do that extra work, no it is fine as it is, no I need time to myself. But instead perfectionism has become a curse to our modern existence. Instead of accepting things for how they are I am constantly thinking what others will think and if only I had more time!

How much improved would life be if one really did only work a four hour, or even a true eight hour day? Not eight hours plus working on that portfolio, researching new techniques, and freelancing at night. But eight hours of work and eight of leisure, true leisure, relaxing leisure, real escapism.

Maybe one day I will get a chance to experience this utopia but right now as I am “escaping” through the writing of this post I am also glancing at twitter, checking cellphones, and thinking about where I need to be in the next hour, what I need to do tonight, my plans for the next week, and how I can make this post more perfect.

Maybe the first step to escaping is to create an off button for the mind.

It’s just a thought.

• Learn German
• Summit Mt Kosciusko
• Be more financially stable
• Be more generous
• Keep my house cleaner
• Publish two papers
• Keep PhD on track for completion in early 2013
• Spend more time on non-computer aided activities

Skillet in Sydney

Sleeping Koala

Vivid Sydney

Yarra River

My Happy Place

For me 2011 has been a year of extreme highs and deep lows. As cliché as it is, it has also past by way too quickly.

At the start of 2011 I set myself some goals for the year, which were, in summary:

• Be out of all NZ debt (excluding student loan) by year’s end.
  • This didn’t happen. But I am over halfway there.
• No more depression.
  • During the start of 2011 the exact opposite happened, I found myself in one of the deepest holes I have ever fallen into. But the second half of the year has seen this completely turn around.
• Refine what I believe and find a church that meets those beliefs.
  • I think the refining is a continuing process. But the good news is I am now settled in a small but growing and vibrant church community.
• Expand my network of Sydney-based friends to beyond computer science.
  • I would still like more friends, but this has been mostly achieved through finding a church home.
• Keep my house cleaner and tidier.
  • Does four days of epic cleaning over the Christmas break count?
• Get funding to travel to a conference in either Europe, Asia or America.
  • Does Perth count as overseas?

Unlike 2010 I spent a lot less time travelling, however, this was made up by attending a lot more events, activities and hiking around Sydney:

January – Watched Australia get defeated at The Ashes, Hiked through Lane Cove National Park, Rocked out to Skillet, and had fun days out with friends on Australia Day, Symphony in the Domain, and Opera in the Domain.

February – In February I said goodbye to a number of friends as they pursued their lives overseas. I also visited the Hunter Valley, and the Blue Mountains.

March – This month was also filled with farewells. I also hiked through the Royal National Park, and Wentworth Falls.

April – I went to the Easter Show… the absence of other photos from this month probably highlights the low point of the year.

May – During May there was yet more goodbyes, by this time five good friends had flown to far distant lands. I also spent a few days in NZ, and hiked with friends on the Manly Scenic Walk.

June – A group of mates went to Vivid Sydney… I also seem to have a lack of photos from this month as well.

July – I went to Melbourne for a weekend. I also did some urban walking around parts of Sydney.

August – Yet more hiking was to be had, this time up around Jerusalem Bay, I also went skiing in NZ, Ice Skating in Sydney, was in the audience of The Gruen Transfer, and found a church home.

September – Rugby World Cup time! I spent many a cold and wet night at Darling Harbour watching NZ progress through the competition. I also went hiking at Berowra Waters.

October – Oh look more hiking around Berowra, I also attended the NRL Grand Final.

November – Yet more hiking near Berowra, and the lack of photos suggests really busy times the rest of the month.

December – The end of the year has been very busy. Early in the month I attended the V8 Supercar race in Sydney, spent a week in Perth for a conference and then a quick roadtrip, the rest of the month has been spent working on uni research and Christmas.

I will post my goals for 2012 on January 1.

I always try to remain calm and not anger quickly. However, there are certain things that really tick me off, mainly: insulting my name, insulting or ridiculing me in front of others, and insulting my friends.

After spending a few years in debating and student politics one learns a bit about the rough and tumble of intelligent sparing. One of the golden rules of which is to play the topic not the person.

Despite this being the rule many still punch below the belt with direct personal attacks.

In particular attacking my name, ridiculing me, and then insulting my friends all in the space of three lines in an email is enough to send me into a rage.

Now some people would suggest it is best to ignore petty insults and don’t let them get to you, after all, there is no point in crying over spilt milk.

However, if those insults have come from someone who should know better than sometimes it is necessary to take offense.

It is not okay, ever, to insult someone’s name (just ask Paul Henry about that one), what they stand for, or their friends. If you have an issue with someone you either take it up with them personally or, if you must in public, tactfully in a non-aggressive way.

Rant over.

• Be out of all NZ debt (excluding student loan) by year’s end.
• No more depression.
• Refine what I believe and find a church that meets those beliefs.
• Expand my network of Sydney-based friends to beyond computer science.
• Keep my house cleaner and tidier.
• Get funding to travel to a conference in either Europe, Asia or America.

I also have one goal that will cover the next two years. That is to finish my PhD on time.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way.

Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

I don’t like quoting from books I have not read. However, this well known quote sums up my past year near perfectly.

This past year has been many things, and without being too cliché, it has been a year of growth, change and challenge. The main challenge of my past year has been settling down in a new country.

At the start of 2010 I rather naively jumped at the opportunity to research at a top university in Sydney. It is not something I regret doing, however, moving countries has been much harder at a mental level than I ever expected.

Looking back at my blog postings they provide a reflection of my mood as the months went by:

• January – I was still in Auckland, and commenting on politics, politics and politics. Life was fairly normal, except for trying to sort out the move to Sydney.
• February – My first month in Sydney. I was like an overenthusiastic kid who had eaten too much sugar. Life was good as I explored my new environment.
• March – This was the first month where the changes in my life began to hit. The main challenge during this month was at a religious level. Having come out of a smallish but very post-modern church I was visiting a large mega-church and simply couldn’t cope with the change in theology. These differences were striking at the core of my soul and I blogged a few times on the theological and spiritual dilemma I was facing. Since March I have not been attending church on a regular basis as I have not found somewhere that I feel I belong or agree with.
• April – Over the later half of the year I have been trying to block out memories of April through July. This period of time was a rather hideous one for me as most things in my life came apart in a way that I had not experience before. The highlight of April was a weekend away at Byron Bay with one of my best friends.
• May – By the time May rolled around I was not in a good state. I can sum up the month in one word: anger. I had got to a state where I was not happy with myself, or the world. I felt the entire world was against me and I was not a pleasant person to be around. Having said that I did get a week’s escape in beautiful Cairns to try and shake things off.
• June – However, I was not able to shake off the depression that was wrapping around my life, and as June rolled around I was continuing to be a miserable buffoon. It also seemed like my negativity was rubbing off on my friends, while hiking in the Blue Mountains I had to phone for a helicopter after one of my close friends was bitten by a red back spider and feel very ill.
• July – As the darkness continued into the fourth month I became more determined to find a way out. I spent the last week of the month back home in New Zealand and seeing a lot of friends for the first time in six months really helped me out.
• August – When I returned to Australia in August I declared silently to myself that I was going to turn things around. I did this by what I describe as “humming” - getting myself into a life pattern where things were regular. Regular patterns and simplicity in life allows me to control my emotions.
• September – During September I continued the pattern of “humming” and it was such a boring month that I can’t remember what happened. At university I had a major report due that consumed a lot of my time.
• October – The highlight of October was one of my best friends from New Zealand coming to Australia and over four days we road tripped from Brisbane down to Sydney. Being able to escape for a while and see a little bit of rural Australia was a nice change of scenary.
• November – I continued to define more of my new self during November. It would be the first month where I would say I had finally felt settled in Sydney. This month had two highlights a day trip with seven friends to Kiama on the New South Wales South Coast. And two weeks spent back in New Zealand with friends.
• December – And finally we get to the end of the year. This month has continued on with the positivity of November. I am settled, I am comfortable and most things in life are going well. I still miss my friends in New Zealand a lot, however, I now have a good, albeit small, group of close friends in Sydney and I am looking forward to 2011.

Overall, overcoming the mental challenges of loneliness, depression, and isolation has taken a lot of time and effort during the past twelve months. I am really thankful to the people who have become my friends and helped me settle in my new city. I am also really thankful to those back in Auckland who have listened to me as I have moaned and moaned and moaned via twitter, facebook, email, gtalk, msn, and skype.

I promise you all that I plan for 2011 to be a lot more positive year. I will blog on my goals for 2011 tomorrow.

During the last six months I have been trying to fit into Australian culture but it has been a long and hard process to do so. Returning home I expected to have changed enough that I wouldn’t quite fit back into New Zealand culture either. However, within half a day of being back I felt as if I had never left – finally there were people who could understand my accent, my mannerisms, and accept me just as I am.

Being back home has left me questioning where my true home exactly is. I am a born and breed fully blooded sixth-generation Kiwi. I am not European, I am Pacifica, I am Pakeha, and I am proud of my New Zealand heritage.

There is a far too cliché saying that states “home is where the heart is”. For me, the last six months have been an interesting journey into the heart. For the first three months of living in Sydney I was immensely lonely. Not knowing anyone crushes the human spirit. Of course making friends is a solution to loneliness that challenge is simpler on paper than it is in reality. After six months I have begun to build a number of friendships in Sydney, however, it will be many years until the number of friendships will even get a chance of rivalling those I have in Auckland.

So where is the heart now? I feel like it is in the middle of the Tasman Sea, torn between two different countries, and buried under a sea of emotion. A few weeks ago I had someone attempt to convince me that emotion was a bad thing and that showing your emotions was a sign of weakness. However, I see emotion as a strength, it gives us feeling, lets us know when things are going well, and when they are not. Emotions can be soul destroying though; especially when you let the downward emotions overrule the confidence ones.

It is with a bit of sad emotion that over the next sixth months I see myself fishing this heart out of the sea and continuing the westward shift towards Australia being my home – at least in the short term. While New Zealand will always be my whakapapa (origin), Australia by virtue of work is now my residence, and it is within that context that in order to move forward in my life I need to work in. I may be a stranger in a foreign land, but when in Rome you must do as the Romans do, however you must never forget your past, where you came from and who you are.

I arrived in Sydney two Saturdays ago at 8.30 in the morning, after leaving Auckland at 7am (which meant a 3am get up time for the flight). We arrived into Sydney at the same time as about 10 other flights which meant it was chaos trying to get our bags and get through customs. In the end it took close to an hour and a half to get out and into the rental car hire queue. The rental car I got was a 2009 Toyota Corolla and by far the smoothest and nicest car I have ever driven.

The first few days in Sydney were spent getting my new flat/apartment set up. It is amazing how much money you can spend in just getting the basics – like food, cooking equipment, and basic furniture. In between all this chaos I also managed to do a few things that got me to see a bit of my new home these included:

• Going to Opera in the Domain with a friend who I had not seen in 9 years.
• Going to Hillsong Church
• Going to Penrith – driving at a speed limit of 110kmh is a new experience.

The second part of my first week here was spent sorting out things like insurance and the like. The most interesting part of this was sorting out Medicare where I had to make a signed legal declaration that I had moved from NZ for good and was living in Australia for the next few years – the guy at the office didn’t seem to believe me even though I had all my uni forms with me! Thought I was some crazy kid on holiday. I also managed to get a cellphone and internet set up. After terrible customer service from Optus I went to Vodafone who set me up with this awesome mobile broadband USB stick which is faster than my old wired broadband in NZ. Although a much smaller data cap so I have to take care about how much data I use.

My second weekend in Sydney was spent having fun in the rain as some of the heaviest rainfall in years hit the city. On Saturday I went out to Bondi Junction shopping mall. Bondi Junction is massive. Imagine the Albany Mall and times it by 2 just for the ground floor, and then make it seven stories high. There is something like 450 shops in the mall. And you know what. I walked through the entire mall and only went into 2 of them! They were nearly all clothes shops – the last thing I need when I am trying to get set up for uni on a budget. On the Sunday I decided to look through town and found this most amazing hobby store in the QVB mall called Hobbyco.

Monday and today was spent at Uni. There is nothing that exciting to report here about my course – Mostly what I was expecting with a few minor hiccups around enrolment. What is amazing though is the size of the campus. Having come from Massey Albany with only around 6000 – 7000 students it is so weird to be on campus with close to 50,000. There is a sign at the front gate that welcomes the 9,000 new first year students! Almost twice the numbers of the entire Massey Albany campus.

The one thing that I will get sick of very quickly, and already am, is having to catch the bus to campus. I have not had to use public transport in years and while the Sydney transport network is far better than Auckland – I love the underground trains, the buses remain as noisy, as crowded, as bumpy, as slow, and as annoying as ever. Given that I have no plans, or money for a car for around a year I guess it is something that I am going to get used to – I just wish there was a train to campus rather than a bus!

P.S. I may have used to complain about the humidity during summer in Auckland but it is nothing compared to heat here. Last night was 25c overnight it makes it so hard to sleep!

The one major downside to flatting by yourself though is you are the only one to blame for any mess! It particular I keep on getting grumpy that the toilet seat has been left up and that dishes have been left in the sink. I want someone to blame. I am in denial that I am the cause of the mess. But I can’t escape it. So I get grumpy at myself. It is weird. I swear I am going to create a sign on the toilet that says make sure the seat is put down after use or else… I will just have to work out what the punishment for the or else is… I wonder if the clean me can win over the lazy me.

Facebook, MySpace, Bebo, Live Journal and others have given us these great tools to keep in touch with people – often long lost friends from school and others who are on other sides of the planet. However, as all of these sites proudly boast lists of friends and in particular the number of friends that each person has a silent competition has formed for who can amass the greatest number of social network friends amongst their peers. Or this competition existed at least until about early 2009 when the opposite competition became the game, that is to remove or defriend as many people on your contact list as possible. I know people who have removed over 500 people.

All of this adding and removing of friends in the virtual environment appears to have weakened the true meaning of friendship in real life. Now instead of building relationships and friendships with people through social interaction and communication we are typically bumping into people and then adding them as a friend on a social networking site and getting to know them that way. This is all very good if you are some sort of paedophile but for most normal people it is very unsatisfying. This is probably a primary reason why once the initial fad of adding as many random people as possible had worn off as the reality of having a whole lot of strangers knowing your intimate details and stalking your photos became a very good reason to participate in defriending as many people as possible.

But from my own experience this natural selection process of stabilising the behaviour of most people in online social networking has also crossed into the real world and now people who are considered close, good, trusted and loyal friends are participating in the behaviour of defriending true real life friends just because they can, completely not aware of the physiological or emotional difference that comes with it.

I have just gone through, and I guess that because I am writing this, I am still going through the process of someone trying to do this exact process to me, the only thing is it is a whole lot harder to do in real life than a virtual environment. Until early December my best friend was someone I had known for six years and over the past few years had become someone whom I have shared a number of good life experiences with – tramping, skiing, and the like.

However, in early December their new partner (whom I have never met) decided that they did not like me because of my sex and the color of my skin – yes racism is alive and well in New Zealand and it is not your stereotypical situation either. Because of this my [former] best friend decided to defriend me in real life – that is to completely block me in the virtual world from social networking, instant messaging, email and the like. But also in the real world including (and I am not making this up) having someone who I do not know try to lay a complaint that I was harassing them – a brilliant attempt at character fraud and defamation (too bad the person handling the complaint saw straight through it). So far I have not responded to the bait for a good old fashioned grudge war – I guess this blog may be the initial punch.

The thing that really gets me about this whole situation though is how silly it is. But on a higher level just how much the concepts of friendship have been altered and blurred through the use of the online world. Maybe the defining moment of the last decade is not terrorism but how social networking has weakened the true meaning of friendship.