Tag Archives: Review

2010 in review

Posted on by Brad Heap

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way.

Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

I don’t like quoting from books I have not read. However, this well known quote sums up my past year near perfectly.

This past year has been many things, and without being too cliché, it has been a year of growth, change and challenge. The main challenge of my past year has been settling down in a new country.

At the start of 2010 I rather naively jumped at the opportunity to research at a top university in Sydney. It is not something I regret doing, however, moving countries has been much harder at a mental level than I ever expected.

Looking back at my blog postings they provide a reflection of my mood as the months went by:

  • January – I was still in Auckland, and commenting on politics, politics and politics. Life was fairly normal, except for trying to sort out the move to Sydney.
  • February – My first month in Sydney. I was like an overenthusiastic kid who had eaten too much sugar. Life was good as I explored my new environment.
  • March – This was the first month where the changes in my life began to hit. The main challenge during this month was at a religious level. Having come out of a smallish but very post-modern church I was visiting a large mega-church and simply couldn’t cope with the change in theology. These differences were striking at the core of my soul and I blogged a few times on the theological and spiritual dilemma I was facing. Since March I have not been attending church on a regular basis as I have not found somewhere that I feel I belong or agree with.
  • April – Over the later half of the year I have been trying to block out memories of April through July. This period of time was a rather hideous one for me as most things in my life came apart in a way that I had not experience before. The highlight of April was a weekend away at Byron Bay with one of my best friends.
  • May – By the time May rolled around I was not in a good state. I can sum up the month in one word: anger. I had got to a state where I was not happy with myself, or the world. I felt the entire world was against me and I was not a pleasant person to be around. Having said that I did get a week’s escape in beautiful Cairns to try and shake things off.
  • June – However, I was not able to shake off the depression that was wrapping around my life, and as June rolled around I was continuing to be a miserable buffoon. It also seemed like my negativity was rubbing off on my friends, while hiking in the Blue Mountains I had to phone for a helicopter after one of my close friends was bitten by a red back spider and feel very ill.
  • July – As the darkness continued into the fourth month I became more determined to find a way out. I spent the last week of the month back home in New Zealand and seeing a lot of friends for the first time in six months really helped me out.
  • August – When I returned to Australia in August I declared silently to myself that I was going to turn things around. I did this by what I describe as “humming” - getting myself into a life pattern where things were regular. Regular patterns and simplicity in life allows me to control my emotions.
  • September – During September I continued the pattern of “humming” and it was such a boring month that I can’t remember what happened. At university I had a major report due that consumed a lot of my time.
  • October – The highlight of October was one of my best friends from New Zealand coming to Australia and over four days we road tripped from Brisbane down to Sydney. Being able to escape for a while and see a little bit of rural Australia was a nice change of scenary.
  • November – I continued to define more of my new self during November. It would be the first month where I would say I had finally felt settled in Sydney. This month had two highlights a day trip with seven friends to Kiama on the New South Wales South Coast. And two weeks spent back in New Zealand with friends.
  • December – And finally we get to the end of the year. This month has continued on with the positivity of November. I am settled, I am comfortable and most things in life are going well. I still miss my friends in New Zealand a lot, however, I now have a good, albeit small, group of close friends in Sydney and I am looking forward to 2011.

Overall, overcoming the mental challenges of loneliness, depression, and isolation has taken a lot of time and effort during the past twelve months. I am really thankful to the people who have become my friends and helped me settle in my new city. I am also really thankful to those back in Auckland who have listened to me as I have moaned and moaned and moaned via twitter, facebook, email, gtalk, msn, and skype.

I promise you all that I plan for 2011 to be a lot more positive year. I will blog on my goals for 2011 tomorrow.

Delirious? – The Farewell Show

Posted on by Brad Heap

This morning I got my hands on a copy of Delirious? – The Farewell Show DVD. Delirious? performed their last show in November of last year and this live video of it captures the evening fantastically well. The show is different from their previous live DVDs in that the focus is not on playing their latest songs and using special effects – both visually and musically, instead the show is raw, the audience is in full voice, and the songs are mainly from the back-catalogue.

Because of the nature of any final show it is hard to find a single song that stands out from the rest. However, Jesus Blood had me in my living room with my arms stretched out crying out to God. Personally, for me, my favourite Delirious? song has always been History Maker and in The Farewell Show the boys do it exceptionally well one last time, at the end of the song Martin Smith does a little bit of preaching and in a change from his recent shows instead of reading Ezekiel 37 he read Psalm 23, before charging the audience to go out into the world and preach.

As a bonus feature the DVD also includes the “Cutting Edge Show” which appears to have been performed before the main show. In this 30 minute gig the Delirious? boys perform seven songs from their days as Cutting Edge (1992 – 1996), Thank You For Saving Me / White Ribbon Day is the stand out song here. And if you do get the DVD watch the Cutting Edge Show first – particularly if you have followed the band over the last 15+ years.

It is sad to see the end of Delirious? for me they have been a band that I have grown up with, for Christmas 1997 (or 1998) I was given their Cutting Edge 3&4 CD and since then I have owned every album except Glo, King of Fools, and Metamorphosis, I have also seen them perform live at Parachute Music Festival in 2006. Through my teenage years I made History Maker the soundtrack for what I wanted to do with my life, and it still remains my favourite song, hearing all the older Delirious? songs on this DVD brings back memories of 10 years of doing sound, lighting and AV at church.

Delirious? may no longer be performing or releasing new music but their impact on the Christian music scene will last for a long time, bands like David Crowder Band, Chris Tomlin, Casting Crowns, and many more are now carrying the torch that Delirious? carried for so many years. This DVD will be their lasting legacy of their impact on Christian music and it is a legacy that is well worth remembering and owning.

The decade in review

Posted on by Brad Heap

It is amazing how fast a year, and then a decade goes by. I have spent almost half my life in the noughties and the events of the decade both locally and abroad will forever change me.

2000 of course was the start of the new millennium and despite it being 10 years ago I still remember the New Years celebrations well. In Auckland it was pouring with rain the entire night of New Years Eve there was fireworks launched off Sky Tower, the Harbour Bridge, boats in the harbour and a number of other buildings in the central city. Unfortunately, the rain did extremely well at ruining the party and all you saw was glowing clouds but no fireworks. However, early the next morning my family went out to Okahu Bay to see the first dawn of the new century. The rain clouds cleared just in time for an amazing sunrise shared with thousands of other Aucklanders. 2000 was also the year that I started high school.

2001 will for a long time be remembered as the year that the entire world changed. The terrorist attacks on America changed the world and no longer could you trust anybody as being the person they said they were. I remember waking on the morning of September 12 2001 to my mom’s radio running the news this was not unusual except it was 5.30 in the morning and not 7. Furthermore the news was turned up loud talking about attacks on America. As I lay in my bed I thought world war three had broken out. 2001 was also the year that I hurt my cartilage in my knee mucking about at school, an injury that still mucks with me today.

2002 must have been a pretty boring year as I cannot remember much from it. I believe this was the first year that I tramped to the Pinnacles but I am not sure on this.

2003 was the year that I started maturing from a kid to an adult. On April 27 I was baptised beneath Hunua Falls. I late May I started working at my first part time job as a checkout operator at the local supermarket.

2004 started fantastically well when I tramped to the top of Mt Ruapehu. It remains the best thing I have ever done in my life. 2004 was also my final year at high school.

If 2003 was the start of maturing to an adult then 2005 was the coming of age year. I started university and started to independently set my own direction in life. I also tramped the Tongariro Crossing for first time in complete white out and terrible weather conditions. An experience that still haunts me to this day.

2006 was the year that I moved out of home; it was also the start of my involvement in student politics. Other than that I can’t remember much else of what happened.

2007 saw me serve as the Vice-President of the students’ association, it was also the final year of my undergraduate degree at uni.

In 2008 I served as president of the students’ association. It was a good experience and allowed me to gain a lot of life experience.

2009 can be summed up in three words: first class honours.

The decade in review

It is amazing how fast a year, and then a decade goes by. I have spent almost half my life in the noughties and the events of the decade both locally and abroad will forever change me.

2000 of course was the start of the new millennium and despite it being 10 years ago I still remember the New Years celebrations well. In Auckland it was pouring with rain the entire night of New Years Eve there was fireworks launched off Sky Tower, the Harbour Bridge, boats in the harbour and a number of other buildings in the central city. Unfortunately, the rain did extremely well at ruining the party and all you saw was glowing clouds but no fireworks. However, early the next morning my family went out to Okahu Bay to see the first dawn of the new century. The rain clouds cleared just in time for an amazing sunrise shared with thousands of other Aucklanders. 2000 was also the year that I started high school.

2001 will for a long time be remembered as the year that the entire world changed. The terrorist attacks on America changed the world and no longer could you trust anybody as being the person they said they were. I remember waking on the morning of September 12 2001 to my mom’s radio running the news this was not unusual except it was 5.30 in the morning and not 7. Furthermore the news was turned up loud talking about attacks on America. As I lay in my bed I thought world war three had broken out. 2001 was also the year that I hurt my cartilage in my knee mucking about at school, an injury that still mucks with me today.

2002 must have been a pretty boring year as I cannot remember much from it. I believe this was the first year that I tramped to the Pinnacles but I am not sure on this.

2003 was the year that I started maturing from a kid to an adult. On April 27 I was baptised beneath Hunua Falls. I late May I started working at my first part time job as a checkout operator at the local supermarket.

2004 started fantastically well when I tramped to the top of Mt Ruapehu. It remains the best thing I have ever done in my life. 2004 was also my final year at high school.

If 2003 was the start of maturing to an adult then 2005 was the coming of age year. I started university and started to independently set my own direction in life. I also tramped the Tongariro Crossing for first time in complete white out and terrible weather conditions. An experience that still haunts me to this day.

2006 was the year that I moved out of home; it was also the start of my involvement in student politics. Other than that I can’t remember much else of what happened.

2007 saw me serve as the Vice-President of the students’ association, it was also the final year of my undergraduate degree at uni.

In 2008 I served as president of the students’ association. It was a good experience and allowed me to gain a lot of life experience.

2009 can be summed up in three words: first class honours.

The best of years and the worst of years

Posted on by Brad Heap

2009 has been a very odd year for me, a year of many highs and extreme lows. Of trials and triumph, of hurt and pain, of joy and euphoria, of sorrow and misery, and of anticipation and expectation. And while the fifty words I have written as an introduction may be nothing more than cliché they compactly summarise my feelings at the end of one of the most dramatic years of my short life.

My year started in January (as all years do in the Gregorian calendar); at the time I was exhausted after a year of intense stress serving as President of the Students’ Association at University. The experience of student politics had left me very bitter and in a way messed up. I was in a state where I wanted to be left alone to my own devices and at the time I was actively working to avoid people and block out the year before. I managed to find some space and time to myself in the middle of Parachute music festival in late January. It is ironic that I can find solace in the middle of 30,000 people but sometimes being around people but not knowing people can be a good form of rehabilitation.

February was a much more exciting month. I spent a number of afternoons and evenings perched on the top of North Head watching America’s Cup Class yachts race in the Auckland Harbour for the first time in more than five years. Later in the month I left NZ for the first time in my life to spend two days holidaying in Melbourne. While I was over there I set myself a goal of moving to Australia to study in 2010 (a goal that I am pleased to have achieved). However, February was also the start of an intense drama in my life that carried on as a drawn out and ridiculous soap opera until mid December. For the last two years I have been going out with on and off with Malaysian Girl. However, I was not comfortable with this and after picking Malaysian Girl up from Auckland Airport at 5am one morning after flying back from holiday I explained that I was sick of the games and I wanted things to either be going out or not going out. Unfortunately for me I was not firm enough and the games continued for another 11 months.

The memories of March, April, and May are all lost in a blur. In March I started my honours degree and for the semester I put my head down and didn’t lift it to breathe again until June.

June will be remembered most for the marks that I achieved on my first semester papers. Although I have always been relatively smart and typically get good grades I have never been a straight A student, however, this changed in June when my marks for my first semester came back with 2 A+ and 1 A grade. To celebrate I went skiing at my happy place, Mt Ruapehu. The first day of skiing was in typical Whakapapa misty shit, but the second day was a beautiful bluebird day on the slopes of Turoa after 10cm of overnight snow fell.

July saw university restart for Semester Two and the rest is a blur.

August was the beginning of the end for any friendship or future with Malaysian Girl. As mentioned I was not firm enough with stopping the game playing back in February and by August it got to the ridiculous situation where I was being played off against someone else of closer ethnicity. I didn’t have a hope and within two weeks of being told that Chinese Boy was on the radar I was flicked off like an ant that tried to follow the wrong pheromone trail for far too long. This left me in a state of intense distress and the pain of how I was treated by someone who I really cared about still leaves a bitter aftertaste even now. August also saw a nice weekend away in Christchurch skiing at Porters Ski Area where I rocketed down a 400m vertical double black diamond run, not once, but twice, it is an awesome way to get the adrenaline pumping and one of the absolute highlights of my year.

In comparison to the hell of August, September was like being in another world. Early in the month I was successful in being awarded a travel grant to fly to Sydney to visit University New South Wales (UNSW). Having spent the last five years studying at the awesome but tiny Albany campus of Massey University the experience was eye opening. I also began an ill-fated relationship with West Auckland Girl.

October was a month where the hell of August began to set back in. As the end of the semester and exams drew near I began to have nasty panic attacks (something I have been fighting for two years). In an urgent bid to get my head back I decided at 2am one morning to drive to my happy place, Mt Ruapehu for a day of skiing, this was great until a) I hurt my leg and b) four days later the panic attacks were back with a vengeance. October also opened my eyes to just how bad an employer can treat a staff member and after my workplace fired a staff member and close friend on the basis of unsubstantiated and circumstantial claims shit really hit the fan. On the morning before one of my final exams I had a massive panic attack which spelt the end of my part time work, but fortunately for me I somehow aced the test.

If there was one month that was a bellweather indicator of the rest of the year it would be November. The main stress of the month was getting my thesis complete and handed in on time. No easy task when your supervisor is on the other side of the world and because of all the dramas of August and October in particular there had been little progress on it since July. In the midst of the stress was the ending of my relationship with West Auckland Girl – the second breakup in 4 months, and when I have had less than 5 serious relationships in my life it was quite a blow. However, the good thing to come from the month was starting to play summer Hockey. I am completely useless at team sports – especially ones that involve hand and eye coordination so I was stoked to score a goal in my second ever game (and since then have only scored one more).

The final month of the year, December was by far the best, all because of a few simple words: “first class honours” and “full PhD scholarship”. Despite all the trials, challenges, pain, and torment the year had thrown at me I had made it through with a few battle scars and a massive piece of treasure at the end. In hindsight there are things that I would have done differently, there are still many things that I am very bitter about, and there are things that I am sorry about, however, in saying that you cannot celebrate the good times until you have first felt the pain and suffering of the bad times. Now the question is what does the new start in life hold?